by: Kelly Leary, M.S., Founder of Revolution Dating
Love is blind, especially during the honeymoon phase of dating when all seems miraculous. You feel like you have won the jackpot of love–but have you? It is important to keep your eyes wide open in the early stages of courtship to save time and heartache in the long run. Have a blast and enjoy your budding romance but don’t be fooled by flying red flags. As a relationship grows (somewhere between months three and six), the “true self” begins to emerge. If the love was overwhelming and exciting, it could be easy to deny BIG warning signs. Let your guard down but be FULLY AWARE of your worth and your boundaries. This may include accepting that your chosen person is not “relationship ready” and no amount of “work” can make it better. This person could be fresh out of a breakup, secretly in love with someone else, or financially challenged (looking for a sugar mommy or daddy). In my 31 years of experience in this magical love biz, I have mastered the art of screening our applicants. Thankfully, by the end of the first meeting, I know in my heart and head that a client is either date-worthy or not. Unfortunately, I can’t be a little bird on your shoulder when you are out on the town doing this all by yourself or at home alone, so here are seven relationship hacks to help guide you in the meantime.
1. He or she rushes the relationship. If your romantic interest is too busy to take the time to get to know you and develop a friendship first this is a sign of relational immaturity and possibly insincerity. Rushing you into the bedroom when you are not ready is a bright red flag.
2. He or she intentionally avoids “big picture” questions. It is easy to be in a relationship that moves forward comfortably, but do you ask your partner about making plans or other commitments in advance? Does he or she quickly change the subject and avoid answering? If so, this is a clear sign that he or she probably does not see you as an item in the future. This could be either a dead-end relationship or a sideways relationship (meaning going nowhere). Let’s not forget: none of us are getting any younger. Time to GO!
3. His or her attitude frequently turns on a dime. Does your boyfriend or girlfriend vacillate from being happy-go-lucky to the Incredible Hulk, then back to a fuzzy teddy bear with no apology or explanation? This type of personality is not good. Stability is important in any relationship and you don’t want to feel like you’re walking on eggshells because you are unsure about how your partner will react from moment to moment. This will create a constant state of insecurity. THIS will only get worse.
4. He or she refuses to make your relationship “public”. Some people like to take their time and get to know their new beau before introducing them to their parents, kids, etc., but after a reasonable amount of time, if you have not met his or her friends and family that is a red flag. If this person will not post photos of you as a couple on social media…be SURE there is a problem…especially if you are posting photos on your social media. This is grounds for a “we need to have a talk” session.
5. He or she has little to no work ethic. Everyone has a different level of ambition, but when you notice your date has not hit life milestones (owning a house or having a long-term job) ask yourself if this person is a good catch. He or she could be using you too! Realize: 75% of the people online or in bars are dating for financial gains. If this person doesn’t have their life together by a certain age and you do, you should walk away! You have too much to lose.
6. He or she refers to all of their exes as ”crazy.” Some relationships do end badly and it is easy to say that it was always the other person’s fault, however it takes two to tango. When someone proclaims that ALL of the exes are “crazy” it is a sign that theyare the problem. On the other hand, if your new girl or guy speaks highly of their exes, and has good things to say about them…consider that a good sign (as long as they don’t talk about their ex too much).
7. He or she drives a wedge between you and your family or friends. This person is most likely a control freak or a narcissist or both. This person can’t stand it when you are not paying attention to them…and they often will bash your friends and family to isolate you. Your friends will notice this quickly…listen to them. This person is trying to control your life. Don’t let it happen!
If you identify with one or more of these principles, don’t be afraid to confront your person and/or end the relationship boldly and quickly. Captain your ship or be captained (by the wrong one). Choosing the right partner in life is everything…it can make or break you and your future. Change is a good thing and the universe will reward you for taking care of yourself. Freeing yourself from a doomed relationship will only allow a better love to enter your life. Just think, when one door closes, another door will open. It always does…and I have THREE red doors for you to walk through in my office on PGA Boulevard where we have happily been for close to ten years now. Clearly, we are doing some fabulous work and we can’t wait to meet you too! You are now one step closer to getting it right!
I know I helped you today, and I can’t wait to continue this journey with you! If you are paired off, do continue to share this column with your single-family and friends like you have for so many years. Thank you for following the matchmaker as always.
Spread the love–the world needs more–right?
P.S. Friendly reminder to get a head start on the up and coming Holiday Season 2022 and play it forward! Starting this process in September will increase your odds of finding the right one in time for the most social party season of the year. #FallInLove #WhyWaitJustDate #TellYourFriends #MenMagnets
Kelly Leary© has 31 years in the dating industry and a master’s degree in psychology. She’s been profiled by The Palm Beach Post, Jupiter Magazine, Stuart News and has been a Cover Girl for Florida Woman Magazine among many other publications. All Revolution Dating clients are prescreened in person in their private offices. Professional photos are taken by the staff. Revolution Dating is not online dating or blind dating. In addition to providing matchmaking services that make singles “UN-single” through their exclusive membership, Kelly and her incredible team also provide date coaching and feedback. They will even style you by request! Each membership is custom-made to suit you and your needs. For more information, please call (561) 630-XOXO (9696) or (772) 932-HERE (4373) or visit us at www.revolutiondating.com. This is all CONFIDENTIAL and OFFLINE.